Since last time

Hi Journal:

Its me, well since last we spoke stuff has been happening. Our group re-located to a different building, my cube is in a truly crappy location now, but I'll cope. I found a wonderful tea shop here in Des Moines that has some really excellent Chinese teas (really good Oolongs) and Yi-xing pots. I've cancelled my appointments with my therapist, the more I think about it the less I'm convinced I was getting good therapy, I was getting platitudes and lectured. It just wasn't working for me. Well, all told I'm doing better, still not perfect but better. I voulenteered at the Des Moines Arts Festival. Really fun time, I ended up running the Artists Relations Office. This office handles everything for the artists and the voulenteers assigned to the artists during the festival. I met some really great people that I hope to see again next year. Let me tell you about a couple of them. The first is an artist named Ivy Bows, she makes jewelery, her stuff is amazing, think industrial mixed with Art Neuveau, she is very talented as well as being a real cutie (has lots of tatoos, but on her they really work). I bought a bowl from a guy who does glass sculpture, he does nice work, its blue and ~16 inches in diameter, it looks good on my dining room table.

I also had an opportunity to work with some of the emerging artists, there is one guy Jerhemia Elbel, this guy will be in museums very shortly, his work is a bit on the dark side but very engaging and really shows lots of talent. His works tend to be larger and they are the types of things you could look at for hours and see different things in. Again, his work doens't really belong in a home, it belongs in a museum due to its size, subject matter, and mood, none the less, of everyone that preseneted (professionals included), his was the most striking.

I also met some other voulenteers at the festival and ended up going to lunch with one of them. Her name is Jennifer, she's an interior decorator and has just gone out on her own. I met her through Amy who ran the office with me. As it turns out these two used to work at Ethan Allen together. When Jennifer left I got to talking with Amy and said that I really liked Jennifer and hoped that she'd be back the next day to voulenteer. Well she wasn't but Amy nearly jumped into my lap and asked if I wanted to give her a call. I said I sure did. Well, as it turns out Amy wasn't comfortable giving out a friends phone number, so I gave her my business card and wrote a little note on the back asking Jennifer to dinner. Amy had lunch with Jennifer a week later and gave her the card. Jennifer and I had lunch the following week. Jennifer has deciced that she doesn't have any time for a relationship with anyone and wishes to focus all of her efforts on starting her business. C'est la' vie! We had lunch at a cute little French bistro. She talked non-stop, I couldn't get a work in edgewise, which is fine by me, I learned all kinds of interesting things about her. I didn't get to say much however. She found the people I work with dreadfully dull, obtuse, and unintersting (scientist in general) and couldn't see how anyone could do it. Oh well, at least I had a good lunch. Actually, seared scallops and citrus risotto, it was OK but really bland.

I'll get a chance to see Amy in August at the voulenteer party, maybe she can tell me how Jennifer is doing, frankly I might not even ask. Also while at the art festival I met another woman, her name was Heidi, 33, she was a real stunner, tall thin and really pretty, one issue she has 2 kids. Now, unlike Jennifer, she was on me like white on rice. But you know the kids are the deal breaker, I've worked too long and too hard to get involved with someone whose ex-spouse will undermine our relationship (ex's with joint custody play all kinds of games with one another). But its really funny, it seems that if I meet a woman who is divorced with kids she finds me attractive, funny, smart all that good stuff. When I meet one that does not have kids I'm treated as something that is scraped off of the bottom of their shoe. I'm the same guy so what is it that has changed in general between the single woman and the divorced one. Why am I all of a sudden valued by the woman who has two kids. Do the needs of women really change that much between being single and being a parent? Am I now seeing women who married the "stud" got tierd of it and are now looking for something different? Her ex is a Des Moines fireman.

You know journal, the arts festival women were an intersting study in contrasts. One who I thought was nice, but turned out to be rather self-absorbed at the moment and another who turned out to be really cruising for husband/daddy material. When I told her what I did I saw her eyes light up and I thought I heard in the distance a cash register go cha-ching. I suppose I should take it as a compliment that she saw me as good provider material, but you know what, I'm more than that. Women have for years been trumpeting that they are more than a pair of breasts on legs, perhaps men need to assert that many of us are more than walking paychecks with tool belts. But that's the funny part, as a biologist I can say that is exactly how nature programed us. You know, I just think I hit on something intersting. Men are no longer looked to as providers, so what is our context now? For the longest time, men operated in the context of provider (our parents generation for example), what is our context now? In the context of provider, if a man has a good job, good character, isn't so ugly he stops a clock etc., he is viewed as desirable. Not in the context of provider what makes a man attractive to a woman, ability to listen, empathize, etc.? While that may be true, how do you advertise "good listener", you can't the same way you can advertise "good hunter/good provider" (broad shoulders, athletic ability, flashy car, Rolex watch). Its funny, its like society and biology are completely out of synch with one another. I guess it comes down to basic needs, we have food, clothing and shelter, so the needs we desire to fullfill are higher up on good old Maslow's heirarchy. So what cues does one have to give off to advertise "willing to be supportive of self-actualization"?

dr_blond